Have you ever felt overwhelming off-the-charts chemistry on a first?
Maybe you’ve been on a date that seemed like a fairytale, the perfect restaurant, wine, exciting conversation that seem to flow effortlessly commitment talk so early on! It all seems so easy!
Your relationship rapidly propels from casual to commitment and you feel like you’re walking on air!
You think, finally someone that is willing to commit everything to me. You feel so happy with all the promises and the lack of games.
The funny thing is you weren’t 100% sure or really that attracted to that person but their persistence convinced you. After all who else would give you that level of attention and devotion.
But then it happens…out of nowhere your dream shatters, you realise they were empty promises and quickly you start to feel criticised and abandoned. You eagerly try to cling to the fairy tale and like a good girl or boy you do as you are told.
For a short period of time, things get better before the crash. You feel exhausted and seem to be losing yourself in this chaos.
Stop. You have fallen for a narcissist.
A narcissist can leave you feeling traumatised, shatter your confidence and give you severe trust issues. Some people never recover after a narcissistic relationship. If you find yourself dating and attracting narcissists, continue reading to learn how to identify and save yourself from going down a toxic and rocky road.
A narcissist is an individual with an extremely inflated ego and infatuation for themselves. This tendency may appear obvious in some individuals (overt narcissism) or in different and more subtle ways in others (covert narcissism). However, both narcissists cover their insecurities through control and manipulation techniques such as gaslighting, deflection, and projection.
As the saying goes, “prevention is better than cure”.
Here’s how to identify a narcissist on a first date:
During the date, it is critical that you pay attention to who is doing the majority of the talking and what the conversation is about.
Are they asking questions about you to get to know you on a deeper level?
Narcissists will ask superficial questions if any questions at all.
Their goal is not to learn about you. Their goal is to make themselves appealing to you so that you are completely infatuated by them, just like they are infatuated by themselves.
If the narcissist does ask questions, reflect on if they were used as a tool to redirect the focus of the conversation back to themselves.
Overt Narcissists thrive on being the centre of attention.
If the conversation revolves entirely around their extraordinary accomplishments, amazing personality and exceptionally breathtaking looks – a flag is being waved in your face.
You may initially find this attractive and misperceive this narcissistic behaviour as confidence rather than arrogance. However, it’s important to distinguish this as a sign of an overt narcissist.
Covert Narcissists fish for attention.
The covert narcissist is less obvious when it comes to seeking praise and attention. They will downplay their achievements and qualities so that you can reassure them of their greatness and inflate their ego and sense of self-importance. If your date is frequently fishing for compliments and ego boosts, take it as a hint they may be a narcissist.
Overt Narcissists mask themself as Prince Charming.
Narcissists compel you into their lives with bold actions and big dreams. Their ultra charming acts of service and compliments trick you into believing “Finally, I’ve met someone great!” But it’s false. Narcissists have an underlying intention of devaluing you, you don’t notice until it’s too late. That’s why you need to smarten up.
Women fall in love with their ears, not their eyes, and narcissistic men know what women want to hear. Their constant compliments tend to be exaggerated and go beyond surface-level comments on appearance and style.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on”
Narcissists will also use extreme flattery to reel you in and rush you into the next stage.
“You’re the man of my dreams”
“We are the perfect match, I can’t wait to marry you”
They will even go as far as imagining a future with you, mentioning how perfect your lives already align and how amazing you would be together.
While this might sound appealing, don’t be sucked in. These comments are all techniques of love bombing and early indicators that your date may be a narcissist. This is the first date; they don’t even know you, they do know you are likely to fall for these words, however.
Narcissists fabricate and believe their own fairytales.
In a narcissist’s mind, they are always the hero or the victim in their fabricated version of reality. If your date shows signs of no self-awareness or accountability, cancel the second date before you’re trapped in a long-term relationship and bullied into believing you’re always the bad guy.
You’ll often hear them say that all their ex-partners are crazy.
They have their sob stories that draw you in; they are one-sided. At first, you feel privileged not to be called a psycho. Eventually, you will be the crazy one.
To subtly emphasise that you are their “soulmate”. That you both are “meant to be” your date will keep up the charming coincidences.
While some coincidences such as hobbies or interests are likely on a first date, when they become a pattern it is vital you recognise that some are more than likely fabricated. Your first clue is if they order the same dish as you at a restaurant.
When you understand narcissistic patterns and, you will start seeing people for who they really are and not the facade they have fabricated.
This will help you filter out the toxic potential partners and bring you closer to the healthy relationship you deserve.
If you feel like you are a magnet for narcissists you’re most likely wondering “Why am I attracting narcissists?”. Well, my article has all the answers and a solution to stop attracting them!
If you would like help to recover from narcissist abuse, and want to make sure you attract a healthy relationship then get in touch click here. We would love to hear from you!