WHY AM I ATTRACTING NARCISSISTS?
Do you feel like you are a magnet for narcissists?
Do you have a pattern of narcissistic partners that have caused you to be anxious, insecure and completely exhausted?
A narcissist can leave you feeling traumatised, shatter confidence and give you severe trust issues. Some people never recover after a narcissistic relationship.
If this sounds like you and you would like to attract a healthy relationship, then you need to read this!
I often get asked the question, “Why do I keep attracting Narcissist’s?” and “How can I stop this pattern?”
Ideally, it is best to weed out the narcissist before you get emotionally involved and hurt.
Run for the hills as fast as you can. But if you haven’t been lucky enough or if you’re currently involved with a narcissist then you can do a few things to recover quickly and move on to happiness.
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s pointless to convince them that their behaviour hurts you. They don’t care. Their cruelty is intentional. It may be the hardest thing to comprehend, but they genuinely don’t care.
The nice person you saw at the beginning wasn’t real; it was a mask.
The mean conditional person that blames you for everything and refuses to take responsibility. That person is real.
Narcissist have a way of drawing you in. They are fast movers; ultra-charming making you think, ” Finally I’ve met someone great!” But it’s false. Narcissists have an underlying intention of devaluating you, you don’t notice until it’s too late. That’s why you need to smarten up.
From what I’ve seen, the typical behaviour of a narcissist is that they love bomb you. They ride into your life like a knight in shining armour, promising you the world. And if you’re someone who has experienced pain you are the perfect target.
The narcissist always attaches to the vulnerable. They work out your weaknesses, they isolate you, they gaslight you and devalue you. But it’s not so apparent because that mean person can cycle from nice to nasty leaving you confused. If they were mean all the time you would leave because it would be obvious.
It’s the ‘nice’ cycle that keeps you in.
You live in the hope that the nice person will stay. The reality is that person is false, so they disappear.
The whole motivation behind a narcissist is to control and conquer.
They do this by confusing you. It is a real disorder with an inhumane ability to empathise.
Narcissists believe that you are responsible for making them feel better.
The problem is that no matter what you do, the goalposts change. One day it will jump 5 metres, so you jump 5 metres. They will be happy for a second. The next day they will be threatening you, undermining you because you have not jumped 5 metres.
When you gently remind them about how you jumped 5 metres yesterday like they asked they will then gaslight you.
The sad thing for the narcissist is they feel so awful on the inside; they are searching for something or someone to make them feel better. That’s why they churn through the relationships; ultimately, people leave them. In their heads, they think they are the ones that have left. Crazy. Whatever makes them feel better, right?
The good thing is you can escape and feel happy the narcissist never will.
Narcissists are damaged and miserable with a heightened sense of self-worth combined with the lowest self-esteem and self-loathing. They will never admit their pain because it’s everyone else’s fault.
It is a walking contrast really because you can feel their misery everyone can even their friends; even their family manage them.
Here are a few reasons why you attract narcissists and how to stop.
Are you a people pleaser?
Do you want to make others happy? Do you genuinely like people and like to be liked? If you go out of your way to make others feel good— you are a perfect target for a narcissist. You can imagine why narcissist are drawn to people pleasures. People pleasers make narcissists feel good, well for a few minutes anyway. Narcissist are miserable people, so they never truly feel good. It’s pointless trying to please them because they are never happy. Put your energy into someone that appreciates you.
Are you an empath?
Do you have a big heart and can feel other peoples pain? If you get involved with a narcissist, they will quickly control you. A narcissist has no empathy. The empathy they show you at the beginning of a relationship is false it’s purely to get you in. As an empath, you are an easy target because they stab you deep into your heart and then show you no compassion.
As an empath, this can leave you feeling bewildered because it is so far from what you would do you don’t understand. You might spend years trying to figure it out. Don’t! You’ll never understand, you have different DNA. Narcissists are not well. Go and find someone with emotional intelligence that can feel you just like you feel them.
Are you a loyal person?
I once had a narcissist say to me; “You would never leave anyone, would you. You are so loyal”. Good one, everyone has a limit!
Loyalty was used against me. The narcissist believed that he could act in any way because I was loyal. If you are loyal, it’s one of the most amazing underrated qualities you could have, be sure you are loyal to the right people. ?
Do you avoid conflict?
Narcissists are chaotic and love conflict. They swing from high’s to lows. It’s bizarre to observe. They can be so in love with you declaring they want to spend the rest of their life with you and the following week will spit out the most vicious hatred towards you. Weird. Guess, that’s what happens when you don’t do as you are told.
The venom is their stuff. Most stable people prefer to resolve conflicts. Not the narcissist, they love to bully you, intimidate you and use bystanders to undermine you. If you’re a person that avoids conflict, then being with a narcissist is a nightmare. They are full of chaos and drama go find peace.
Do you give the wrong people too many chances and stay in toxic relationships for too long?
The narcissist has no boundaries and doesn’t respect anyone. You’ll often hear them say that all their ex-partners are crazy. They have their sob stories that draw you in; they are one-sided. At first, you feel privileged not to be called a psycho. It’s funny even their family members will bang on about the story of their crazy ex-partners. What’s funny is that the narcissist actually believes that they were hard done by. They are so out of touch with reality that they never take any responsibility for being a part of the dynamic.
If they were to truly look within it would be too painful. So instead, they make you feel sorry for them. The reality is it’s just a form of manipulation.
If you put up with bad behaviour time and time again and accept the narcissist apology only to be faced with more disappointment, then you are a target for the narcissist. The narcissist won’t let up until you are powerless. And guess what else? Before too long, you’ll be labelled something nasty too.
So what do you do if you attract narcissist and how to stop it?
Be the best version of you. Set firm boundaries and raise your standards. If you get an icky feeling from someone early on, trust your instincts.
If someone doesn’t respect your boundaries early on in the relationship, they won’t respect them later. Don’t get involved.
Always remember the narcissist has a desire to win. So when you reject them, they will want you more. They will come at you with flattering gestures, love bombing you and meet every need. The attention is intoxicating. Watch it and pace it.
If you slow things down and it the narcissist doesn’t like you the devaluing will quickly pop up. Devaluing is a typical narcissist response to rejection as is anger, rambling, lengthy text messages and name-calling. Charming….
If you would like help to recover from narcissist abuse, and want to make sure you attract a healthy relationship then get in touch. We would love to hear from you!