And That’s a Good Thing
If you’re dating after 35, let me say something that nobody else will say to you: you are not behind. You are not broken. You are not running out of time.
You are, however, probably dating with a set of rules and beliefs that no longer serve you, rules you picked up in your 20s, when the stakes felt lower and the options felt endless. And those old rules? They might be the very thing standing between you and the love you deserve.
In this edition, we’re covering everything, the mindset shifts, the practical challenges, the emotional traps, and the family complexities that come with dating in this chapter of life. And I’m sharing two incredible stories from clients whose lives were completely transformed when they finally decided to do things differently.
Let’s get into it.
- Stop Dating Like You’re 25
Here’s the truth: most of the struggle in dating after 35 doesn’t come from a shortage of good people. It comes from applying a 25-year-old’s playbook to a completely different game.
At 25, you dated to explore. You had time, energy, and bandwidth to figure it out as you went. But at 35+, you’ve lived a life. You know who you are. You know what matters. And yet so many people I work with are still waiting three days to text back, playing it cool when they feel excited, and shrinking themselves to seem less “too much.”
Dating in your 30s and 40s asks you to be honest, direct, and unapologetically yourself. The people worth your time will love you for it. The ones who don’t? They’re saving you months of wasted energy.
The shift: Stop performing availability. Start showing up as who you actually are. That’s not desperation, it’s confidence.
- Navigating the Apps When the Pool Feels Smaller
Dating apps were not designed for people over 35. They were built for volume, swipe, match, move on. But you’re not looking for volume. You’re looking for the right person.
The frustration I hear most from my clients: “I’m seeing the same profiles over and over,” or “Every match goes nowhere.” Here’s what’s usually happening: either the profile isn’t attracting the right people, or the conversations aren’t building real connection.
A few things that actually work:
- Be specific in your bio. Vague profiles attract vague matches. Mention something real about your life, a hobby, a value, a goal.
- Ask a real question in your first message. “Hey” is not a conversation starter. “I saw you hike the Kokoda Track, what was that like?” is.
- Get off the app faster. Long app conversations rarely lead anywhere. Suggest a casual date within a week.
- And consider going IRL. Classes, events, social groups, community activities, meeting people in context creates connection in ways apps simply can’t replicate.
- Emotional Baggage & the Self-Sabotage Trap
After a certain age, everyone has a story. A divorce. A heartbreak that took years to recover from. A relationship that slowly eroded your self-worth. That’s not a flaw, that’s life.
But here’s where it gets tricky: the protective walls you built after being hurt can start to look a lot like wisdom. You tell yourself you’re “being careful,” but what you’re actually doing is keeping love at arm’s length.
Signs you might be self-sabotaging:
- You end things early because something feels “off” but you can’t quite name what
- You keep choosing emotionally unavailable people
- You find reasons not to like someone once things start to get real
- You’re very comfortable alone — perhaps a little too comfortable
The difference between healthy caution and self-sabotage is this: healthy caution protects you from red flags. Self-sabotage protects you from connection itself.
Working through this isn’t weakness. It’s the most important thing you can do for your love life.
- Blended Families: The Conversation Nobody Has
If you have kids or you’re dating someone who does, you already know that dating in this chapter comes with a whole extra layer of complexity. And yet almost nobody talks about it honestly.
When do you tell someone, you have kids? (Early. Always early.) When do you introduce them? (Much, much later than you think.) How do you navigate a new relationship when your co-parenting dynamic is complicated? How do you date when you only have every second weekend free?
These aren’t dealbreakers. They’re logistics. But they require a different kind of intention and communication from the very beginning.
The most important thing be upfront about your reality without over-explaining or apologising for it. Your children are part of your life, not a footnote. The right person will see that as the beautiful thing it is.
Real People. Real Results.
The most fulfilling part of my work is watching people transform — not just their love lives, but their belief in what’s possible for them. Here are two stories that stay close to my heart.
| “I was 37 years old and had never been in a serious relationship. I’d never had anyone say ‘I love you’ to me. I’d started to believe that maybe love just wasn’t for me. Within three months of working with Samantha, everything changed. I met my husband, and today we have two beautiful children together. I have never been happier in my entire life.” — Sarah, 40 From never having heard “I love you” — to wife and mother of two. In three months. |
| “I was the guy who always ended up in the friend zone. I’d lost all my confidence, I couldn’t flirt, and honestly I’d started to think I was just destined to be alone. I’m an accountant — not exactly who you picture sweeping someone off their feet. Samantha helped me find myself again. I’m now engaged to the most stunning woman I’ve ever met.” — James, 41 From perpetual friend zone and zero confidence — to engaged to the love of his life. |
A Note From Samantha
If you’re reading this and something landed for you today — whether it’s the self-sabotage section, the apps, or just the reminder that you’re not behind — I want you to know: it’s not too late. It is never too late.
Sarah was 37 and had never been loved. James had given up on himself. And both of them found extraordinary love once they made one decision: to do things differently.
That decision starts here.
With love,
Samantha Jayne
Dating Coach | Love After 35
ARE YOU READY TO FIND LOVE AFTER 35?
| Are You Ready to Find Love After 35? Dating after 35 is not about settling — it’s about finally knowing exactly what you want and going after it with confidence. Whether you’re re-entering the dating world after divorce, navigating dating as a single parent, or simply wondering why love hasn’t found you yet — there is a clear path forward. Book a FREE Discovery Call with a Dating Expert Today On your free call, you’ll get: ✔ A clear picture of what’s been holding you back in dating ✔ Personalised strategies to attract the right partner ✔ Expert guidance from someone who truly understands dating over 35 ✔ A roadmap to real, lasting love — not just another situationship ➡ CLICK HERE TO BOOK YOUR FREE CALL NOW Spots are limited. This call is for people who are serious about finding love. |
About Samantha Jayne — Dating Coach for Women & Men Over 35
Samantha Jayne is a leading dating coach specialising in dating after 35, dating after divorce, and helping singles over 40 find meaningful, lasting relationships. With a proven track record of helping clients go from stuck and frustrated to happily partnered — often within months — Samantha combines deep emotional insight with practical dating strategy.
Whether you’re navigating online dating after 35, blended family dynamics, rebuilding confidence after a long-term relationship, or simply wondering how to meet someone genuine in today’s world — Samantha’s approach is honest, warm, and results-driven.
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