Do you keep getting ghosted when dating? Maybe you spent weeks messaging someone on a dating app and though you had a great connection and something was starting to build but then all of a sudden..radio silence. No date eventuates! Time wasted!
Or Have you ever felt chemistry on a date? You laughed together, you seem to want the same things, and you both agreed you’d like to see each other but then again..no second date eventuates. You get radio silence.
Maybe you were seeing someone months went by, things started to step up, and you’re thinking a genuine relationship finally! But before you know it, things get stagnant; the pattern starts they come in and out of your life with intermitted silence and love bombing and then just like everyone else they ghost you!
What Happens When You Keep Getting Ghosted?
If this has ever happened to you, it can leave you feeling anxious about the next person disappearing and could leave you developing a set of unresourceful beliefs. I often hear this time and time again, such as:
“I get ghosted after the 3-month mark” or,
“I seem to be a one date wonder” or
“No one wants commitment anymore”, they all disappear.
These experiences can leave us hurting and feeling cautious for a long time. They can make us afraid of getting close to someone or even fear getting out there to prevent getting hurt. Because if the result of putting yourself out there it has so far led to feeling rejected, then why bother right?
You Could Stay Single To Prevent Getting Hurt But Wouldn’t That Be Lonely?
If you’d like to learn how you can put a stop to ghosting and fall in love and get off the dating scene, then you need to read this.
7 Biggest Mistakes That Can Cause You To Be Ghosted!
# 1 Avoid The Kids Talk Too Early.
No matter how much you want to have kids it’s important not to bring up the kids talk on the first date or in your messages. It is an attraction killer and makes the person on the receiving end feel like a sperm donor or a baby incubator.
Plus, it’s revealing too much information for the predator type of daters who use the information to manipulate you. If you’ve ever dated a narcissist, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.
Bringing up the kids talk is all about timing. While it can be done early on, it’s crucial to have an emotional connection first. The reality is you might be asking someone who you would never even consider once you get to know them. So use the time to get to know them before you give away your power. You wouldn’t walk up to a stranger and ask them if they want to have kids, now would you?
# 2 Avoid Talking About The Ex.
It’s tempting to want to know why someone is single early on, but it’s best to avoid the question.
The problem with bringing up an ex is you have no idea if things are amicable, toxic or feel awful. That’s the last thing you want to do on your date or in the early days when your chatting to someone is to associate awful feeling and memories with you. It’s better to find out about the ex-factor a little later down the track to see if you want to know. In the early days, focus on the pleasantries.
# 3 Avoid Asking If They Are Ready For A Relationship
Practise action speak louder than words. Rather than ask someone you’re getting to know if they are ready for a relationship watch their actions. How do they spend their spare time and weekends? Are most of their friends in relationships? Do they live a partying lifestyle or more of a home person? Their actions will tell you everything you need to know.
If you ask them if they are ready for a relationship, it’s the equivalent of saying, “I’m willing to date you”. All before you have gotten to know them. Please don’t make it that easy. Attraction builds when there is a challenge.
When you communicate, use the time to create a connection, have fun and be playful. Figure out if you’d like a relationship with them based on compatibility, actions and aligned values.
You’ll know if they are ready for a relationship with their actions because people can tell you anything you want to hear. It’s their actions that count.
# 4 Avoid Taking About COVID 19, Unemployment And More Doom And Gloom
When you first get to know someone, it’s ok to talk touch upon the coronavirus, but don’t stay stuck on the subject. Avoid talking about your redundancy or their redundancy, and or your anxieties especially since you don’t know this person. Share those fears with your support network.
Talk about things that feel good. If they bring up the coronavirus and unemployment, use it as an opportunity to reframe and talk about positive things. Such as the connection the coronavirus has allowed some people to sit back and reassess what’s important to them. Focus on the potential to find that dream job or a career change when it’s all over. Whatever you do, stay positive to help bring about good feelings.
# 5 Avoid Asking Multiple Questions
When messaging someone or meeting them face to face, it’s best to ask one question at a time, allow them to answer before asking another question. If you bombard a person with multiple questions, it can be confusing and overwhelming. No one likes to be peppered with questions. Treat the message or your face to face date natural. Ask, listen to the response, acknowledge the answer, share and then ask another question.
# 6 Avoid Chatting Without A Purpose.
Avoid being the penpal that goes nowhere. When your messaging someone have a purpose. The purpose may be to create a connection, get to know them, or set up a date. Ask questions that give you the answers to what their highest values and then get to the date sooner rather than later.
If you’ve been messaging someone and it feels like forever, then it’s time to suggest a face to face meeting. Sometimes the recipient is too nervous to ask, so put it out there.
# 7 Focus On Connection.
It’s so important when you are communicating with someone you’d like to make a good impression. When you chat focus on things that feel good, common ground, talk about your dreams, positive things and have an end goal.
When a person feels good around you, they will want to see more of you and always remember to keep a little mystery.
Whatever you do, don’t get attached too early. It creates too much pressure and makes the person feel trapped.
Even if you want to have children, get married and settle down asap, remember that you can have that, you’ll get that sooner rather than later by creating an incredible connection rather than making them feel like you have a checklist. You’re ordering a meal from a menu.
If you’re finding yourself constantly being ghosted there is something that is happening in your communication that is losing your dates, the good thing is with a little knowledge you can transform your results. If you’d like help to boost your success then get in touch.
To Find Out How You Can Attract The Right Person, click here