What If You Could Write Online Dating Messages That Could Spark Attraction and Get Results?
You Can! Here’s how to online dating messages that stand out and get responses.
If you’re like most people, you get pretty excited when you decide to online date. You imagine the possibilities of who you could meet, fall love with and walk off into the sunset and have the life you want!
You jump on, you create your profile, pick your best photos, and you look around at your options.
Then, you probably get a mixed feeling of excitement and disappointment when you search through your options. Some people will be amazing, and your heart will skip while others will want to make you want to run for the hills and scream eeekkk!!
What’s apparent pretty quickly is that the competition is fierce when you’re online dating.
Despite there being thousands of people online, there is only a small percentage of people you want to date. If you’re going to meet someone amazing, you too need to be equally amazing, and that means you need a stand out online profile and most importantly stand out messages.
If your profile has wow factor, but your messages stink, then you’ll be able to attract attention, but you won’t be able to convert to great dates. So you’ll stay stuck.
Once you have that realisation, it’s pretty normal to feel overwhelmed when it comes to sending that first message. What’s even more overwhelming and where most people fail is maintaining engaging conversations that create connection and lead to a date.
You want to avoid things fizzling out too quickly, and you want to avoid being the pen pal!
How do you create engaging online dating messages that get a response? Sit tight and learn. 😊
1. The Opening Online Dating Message.
The goal of the online dating message should be to capture and hold interest to enable you to progress to an actual date. This message is critical, get it wrong, and you’ll sabotage a potential meet. Say something simple, to the point and friendly. Avoid asking too many questions as this will be too hard to respond to and often overwhelm the recipient. Make it warm and easy for the other person to respond.
- Hi, I’m (insert your name), your profile caught my eye, I couldn’t resist stopping by. Do you really (insert hobbies) I’ve always wanted to try that!
- Your profile made me smile, the puppy you/dog/cat/photo is so adorable, do they have a name? What breed is it?
- Love to learn more about you; your profile was so interesting what was it like surfing the big waves in Hawaii?? (insert something that you genuinely want to know about)
2. The Common Ground Online Dating Message.
Ever heard the saying birds of a feather flock together? It’s true; people like people who are similar to them and tend to hang around with like-minded people. When you are starting conversations sending an online dating message that highlights your common ground is a powerful way to build connection.
Look for common ground on their profile such as hobbies, interests, pets, travel destinations, education, fitness, adventurous conquests. Look hard enough, and you’ll find it.
- I see you’ve been to (insert location) me too, or I’ve always wanted to go there, what was your favourite part?
- You like (keeping fit/travel/ art/ activity) ,me too! What’s your favourite exercise/place in the world etc.
3. The Building Connection Online Dating Message
When you’re sending online dating message, the key is to avoid being factual. Instead, be emotive. When you are emotive, it helps create a connection because it gets you both out of your head and into your heart.
Here’s an example of a factual message vs emotive message that ignites the senses.
“Hi, I noticed you like going to the movies, action movies are amazing, anything with Matt Damon is a winner”.
As you can see, the message is facts focused. How you could re-write, that is.
“Hi, so you’re a fan of action movies, me too! I love the feeling of getting cosy on the lounge on a cool winter’s night and escaping with a Matt Damon Flick. What’s your all-time favourite movie?”
You can see both messages say the same thing. The first one is more of a I’ll tell you how it is vs the second one is warmer, friendlier and has more descriptive words in it which ignite feelings.
A simple test is to read both and see how your body feels when you say each message. The second one should feel warmer. It’s a great way to build a connection.
Another way to build a connection and rapport is to give a compliment with your online dating message so that it sparks attraction. Check out the next tip on how to do this.
4. Give A Compliment When Sending An Online Dating Message.
When you’re wanting to engage with someone online sending a compliment is a great way to get hem onside. It’s even better when the compliment is something other than a persons looks. Get creative to stand out.
It could be something about their intelligence, their witty profile, interests, travel experience, great taste in shoes or whatever else you find intriguing.
Something written on their profile
- Comment on their pets, dog cats. Etc.
- Oh, I see you cook, I love that,
- Where was that photo taken in your profile, it looks like a fun place?
5. Ask questions to engage and get more responses.
Believe it or not one of the main reasons online dating messages stop in their tracks is because the last message sent does not warrant a response. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve heard someone say to me; they didn’t respond to my last message.
When I read the last message, it’s a very closed off response. So, it’s no wonder the messages stop, and you hear crickets. Not everyone has killer confidence to keep on chasing; there needs to be some give and take.
So to keep the conversation flowing always remember to ask a question at the end of your message.
The easiest way to do this is when someone asks you a question about something ask the same question in return. Saying something as simple as, “how about you?” or “You?” can keep the conversation flowing.
Here are more engaging questions you could ask.
- What’s your favourite restaurant, and why?
- Do you have a favourite spot in the city or are you more of a countryside person?
- I noticed you like to cook, what are you famous?
- If you could have dinner with anyone in the world who would it be and why?
6. Masculine and Feminine Styles of Writing Online Dating Messages
Men, it’s important to flirt and make her feel good but avoid the sex talk at all costs, especially if she is attractive. She wants to know that she is not a trophy that you can see past her pretty face. So keep your flirting to PG until your face to face.
Be confident when asking her questions and setting up a time—sent a few messages to engage and get a feel for if she is ready to meet in person. Make it subtle and test the waters; some women are happy to talk for a long time on messages, whereas others will lose interest. So, make sure you checking to see where she is at and give her options so that she feels safe and in control.
E.g., I’m free on Thursday or next Tuesday if you’re free for a drink (or insert what you have talked about). Otherwise, I’m happy to keep chatting her for a while. Let me know what you prefer?
See what she says, you’d be surprised how often you’ll get the date. If she wants to continue chatting then at least, you haven’t sabotaged things, and you can continue to build a connection. Some people like to take their time others are happy to cut to the chase. You need to test and see. Just make sure you have a timeline in your head that you are comfortable with.
Women when you’re messaging a man be feminine. How you do this is keep things light-hearted, be descriptive instead of factual. Throw him a compliment about how strong he is, intelligent, that you like his ambition, drive creativity and be sure to talk about how things feel. Talking about how things feel not how you feel about him is a feminine form of communication and is very enticing.
Use words like temptation; secret, love, kiss, paradise, magnetic, heart raced, feels so good. Use these words when talking about general things, don’t get sexual or suggestive because that will take things in the wrong direction.
Bonus Tips For Online Dating Messages
Some other things to remember is never double message or even triple message if you had a response give the person time to a new person.
Maybe they’re busy with work; maybe they’re stuck for words, maybe they are about to get back to you and are just taking their time or perhaps they are the ghosting type.
Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter. It’s early days and in the early days even if you feel like you have a great connection with someone stay grounded. You have options.
The reality is you only can see the tip of the iceberg from their dating profile. Everyone has a different pace. Some people are fast responders, whereas others take their time. If you’ve sent a message to someone new and you haven’t had a response, sit back and wait, don’t be tempted to message the same message a few hours later. Wait a few days and see. If you haven’t had a response for a few days, then you can send out something and see what happens.
If you bombard the new person with messages, it is likely they will ghost and vanish in the early days. To help reduce anxiety, reach out don’t put your eggs in one basket and reach out and talk to a few people at the same time.
If you’d like some to get results online dating and create a stand out online dating profile and write messages that ignite attraction then get in touch!