Do you ever wonder how much contact you should have in between dates?
Should you text? Should you call? Should you wait the night before your date and confirm??
Let’s face it; dating can be confusing at the best of times, the conflicting dating advice, the rapid transformations the dating apps have made, not to mention the obstacle of covid. Dating will never be the same.
It’s normal to feel confused.
So what is the right amount of contact to keep the spark alive between texts?
Some dating experts use the minimal contact rule and recommend getting in touch within a day after your date and then send a text a day before your next date to confirm. Other dating experts adopt a more regular communication style and recommend sending a daily text to stay in touch.
So, what should you do to keep the spark alive and build momentum in between dates?
I’m happy to announce I have the answers for you. If you want to keep the spark alive without coming off desperate and too eager, then read on.
I’m about to reveal the perfect balance to give you the momentum to not only boost attraction but get your date more excited about seeing you again face to face and creating an emotional connection that can take your relationship to the next level!
If you want to keep the spark alive between dates, good communication is critical. It matters just as much as the actual date!
And there is a perfect balance between building momentum and too much attention.
Here’s how you keep the spark alive been dates.
1. AVOID SMALL TALK:
When staying in touch in between dates, make sure your conversations are meaningful. Keep things interesting, fun and flirty and avoid small talk at all costs.
Sending out a message like, “Hi”, or “How’s your day?” or even “How are you?” can be pretty annoying to the busy person, and it comes across as a lazy message, and it’s impossible to detail your day in a single message.
What’s worse is that if they have had a bad day, it could lead to texting negative messages that could kill attraction.
If you want to know more about their day, pick up the phone can call.
If you want to stick to texting, put some thought into your messages, think about what you spoke about previously and connected with and bring that into the conversation, even better if you can add humour.
For example, your date might have mentioned they have a hectic schedule yet love to relax and unwind with yoga or getting out in nature. So, bring it into the conversation, so it’s complimentary. E.g. So, “How is supergirl today?? Did she get to venture to a yoga class today, or is she still hitting it hard at the office? 😉
2. ASK QUESTIONS THAT ARE MEANINGFUL.
Texting in between dates is the perfect opportunity to discover each other and learn where your values are aligned.
Ask meaningful lifestyle questions that spark good feelings. Tell me about your perfect day. Imagine you have a long weekend, the sun is shining, you are relaxed. What do you do next..?
Ask questions about whether your date likes to exercise, go out with friends, watch Netflix, favourite programs, do they cook, eat out or spend time with family and friends. Make sure you let them know if you have common ground, it is a winner. Because people like people that are like them.
Once your date answers a question, you acknowledge their response. One of the biggest mistakes people make is asking question after question that feels more like an interview.
3. BUILD POSITIVE ASSOCIATIONS.
To keep the spark alive between dates, it’s essential to keep your conversation topics upbeat, positive and feeling good. If you talk about things that feel bad and are negative and complain about how busy and stressful work, it kills attraction. Be the positive light in someone’s life, the breath of fresh air, the good feeling.
People naturally gravitate towards positive people that make them feel good. Find the fun in each situation without acting like a clown. Keep things light-hearted and be a visionary.
4. GIVE COMPLIMENTS WITH CAUTION.
Compliments are a great way to make someone feel good and get interested in you, but you can overdo it. If you say things like, “I have just met the most beautiful woman in Sydney” or “I feel like the luckiest person in the world”, especially early on, it comes across as inauthentic.
Instead, give more subtle compliments about intelligence, their sense of style, humour and kindness. It’s more genuine and doesn’t put your date on a pedestal which is a turn-off.
5. HOW OFTEN SHOULD YOU TEXT.
Texting morning, noon and night gives the impression of having no life and comes off eager and desperate. You want to show that you can get on with life without taking up all day.
However, not checking in gives the impression that you are not interested keeps your date wondering if you are interested. In some cases, the anxiety associated with rejection becomes too much, so they move on. There are so many modes of communication, and people expect to connect. Failure to text loses momentum and when you suddenly reappear feels like breadcrumbing. People who want healthy relationships want more certainty. So carve some time in your day to connect.
It doesn’t matter how busy you are; even a short and sweet text to check-in is an excellent way to stay connected. If you have time to watch TV or social media, you have time to text.
6. SUBJECTS TO TALK ABOUT
Remember when I said to avoid the small talk. Here are some great items and topics you can connect over, Podcasts, Netflix, family, siblings.
You can also ask questions like, “Tell me about the first time you ever….(insert subject), first pet, first holiday, first flight, first job.
Other topics such as, “Tell me about your most embarrassing moment, or your most treasured memory.
You could even play a game of this or that.
What’s most important is you keep a balance of being mysterious, playful and show stay in touch without going overboard. Check-in every few days, or once a day, to keep the momentum. Please don’t make your date think you are ghosting them.
Men, always remember women love it when a man initiates.
Women, good men, want women to initiate from time to time; they need to see the signs you are interested in them.