Ever wondered why you keep attracting abusive relationships?
Abusive relationships are horrible and you’ll be surprised that they can be avoided if you know the signs to look for in the early stages.
If you noticed a pattern that you keep getting yourself into toxic and abusive relationships, then this is for you!
Maybe you have noticed that narcissists, control freaks and bullies are drawn to you like moths to a flame.
Abusive controlling people can be hard to identify especially at first if you don’t know-how.
They start off charming, interested in you, they act all adoring, kind and promise you the world. You get so caught up with the attention no one has ever made you feel that way?
The feeling is so intoxicating, you feel like you have little time for you and time for the things you used to do but you enjoy what seems like something blissful. This is called the Love Bombing Phase.
As time goes by, this magical person slowly starts to put you down.
The put-downs might start off small at first but over time they get bigger and more hurtful. It’s a gradual strategy.
You’ll notice that over time you won’t see your friends and family as much or even anymore, you seem to busy attending to their needs, they call you consistently taking up your time and attention, you can’t pursue your own interests.
And you’re now living in a haze and for some reason, you feel so tired but you don’t know why.
Before too long you’ll feel exhausted and you’ll be walking on eggshells. They suck all your energy and trigger your most painful abandonment issues and if they haven’t already they will stalk your every move. Social media, the phone you name it. Your close friends will be put down as will your friends and family as they attempt to make you dependent.
You feel confused because it doesn’t’ make sense, They started off so nice and can be nice at times. You crave the love that you once had but the love phase gets smaller and smaller. Your self-worth starts to decline and you feel unlovable.
When your upset they don’t’ comfort you, In fact, you see their posture become stronger when they see you cry. Deep down you hope that one day they will soften. “Please hold me”. “please make everything ok”.
You hope that they will feel you and empathise with you and you will see the man or woman you once fell in love with. But they do not.
Because that person you met, that charming, attentive charismatic person wasn’t real. It was just a ploy to get you.
The realisation is incredibly sad and hard to comprehend.
If you stay in that toxic abusive relationship eventually you have no or very little confidence. You’ll second guess yourself to even get through the basic things in life and you look back thinking, but I used to be so confident, so powerful and so assured. What happened?
If you’ve ever experienced a toxic abusive relationship then you need to read here’s the answer you’ve been waiting for.
The most common reason you keep attracting abusive relationships, controlling people, bullies and or narcissist is a limiting belief.
You struggle with the thought of, “Not being enough”. If you struggle with this belief you are in serious trouble and need to change this belief. When you change this belief and you know you are enough and you love yourself they dynamic of your relationship with change for the better.
The problem with believing, “I am not enough”
If you believe you are not enough you put everyone’s needs before your own. And guess what?
This means if you are not careful you may continuously attract narcissistic abusive relationships with people that have no boundaries.
Like a vampire gets a whiff of blood, these people are the same, they target the people who put the needs of others before their own. They are attracted to you because they know once the win you over with their charm, you’re a goner as they chip away at you and fuel their own ego.
The core of why people abuse is their belief systems.
An abusive person has a belief that they are entitled. They believe people around them are responsible for their happiness and need to meet their needs. They believe that their needs are more important than anyone else’s and will stop at nothing to have them met.
This is where control comes in.
They have these beliefs that their needs need to be met by you.
The problem is the more you try to meet heir needs the more the goalposts keep changing. When you are at the receiving end of an abusive relationship it is hard to comprehend because initially, they were so charming as they love-bombed you. Riding upon the horse like a night in shining armour making you think they would be your everything.
If you are strong, successful, confident at work you’re not immune they will still target you if you believe at your core you are not enough. In fact, they love the shiny glamour, your success because that means you’re more of a challenge to tear down.
The tearing down is so subtle that you won’t even know it’s happening until you see them screaming at you calling you crazy, unstable and when you are at your lowest they leaving you, isolating you, controlling who you speak to and treating you like a piece of prey.
As strong as you think they are not. Let me tell you something, abusive people are they weak, insecure and extremely vulnerable. It’s actually so sad to see.
So, if you’d like to learn more about how you can put an end to abusive, toxic relationships then get in touch.