Have you ever noticed that when you date someone you feel like an option and not a priority?
Maybe you’ve been in a long-term relationship, and you got tired of feeling like second fiddle?
Not feeling like a priority can feel very painful and can leave you in a cycle of trying to prove your worth to your partner. Over time you can feel unworthy.
In this article I reveal how this happens and what you can do about it so that you can feel like a priority.
First let’s talk about how you become second fiddle in a relationship.
When you first meet someone, you feel so excited! You think, finally I’ve met the one! This person is my person! Little by little, you open up room and make space for your partner.
You see your friends less, your family barely hear from you.
Suddenly, you’re giving up your social catch ups, you’re not doing the things you love doing, your hobbies and interest start to become a thing of the past. You say no to opportunities at work because you want to be a good partner and be available for the relationship.
Maybe you don’t exercise like you use to, maybe you eat more junk, watch more TV than you’d like. Maybe you you’ve lost your voice to speak up because you want to keep the peace and you want to feel loved.
With good intentions you make your partner your priority.
Without realising this causes a powershift and de-activates the need for your partner to make you a priority.
Over time you notice that they choose other people and things over you.
Then you start to feel insecure, needy and desperate. You’ve accidently elevated your partner to a status that is above you. And before you had an emotional connection you would not find this behaviour attractive.
How did this happen?
You stopped your rituals that make you happy. You cut off people that love and support you. You stopped prioritising your health, career, connections and opportunities. Little by little you eroded your yourself. You made your partner more important and bigger than you. You forgot about your own needs, and your self-worth has plummeted.
What should you do if you don’t feel like a priority.
Back off and regain your life. Go back and do the things you love.
Don’t talk about it. It won’t be heard, and it will be considered needy and put pressure on your partner. They will do what they want to do.
Instead, get a piece of paper and write down what makes you happy and commit to it.
What did you use to do to make yourself happy before you met your partner? Restart it.
We cannot input good things and feelings into a relationship unless we feel good about ourselves.
It’s easy to forget your worth in a relationship when you feel you are not a priority.
When you take these steps to refuel your one tank, you’ll reclaim your self-confidence and self-worth, you’ll change the dynamic of your relationship to a healthy one and it will allow you to consider if this is what you want or if there is someone else more aligned.
Don’t rush. Take your time and give both you and your partner space to see where things land.
If you don’t feel like a priority when you are single and dating?
Know Your Self-Worth.
It’s easy to get caught up in the fear of rejection and want to people please. The reality is when you are dating and meeting new people they are on their best behaviour. They give you compliments, tell all the good things, self-promote and claim to be emotionally available when in some cases whilst it’s true in others it’s not. If you’re noticing early on things are all hot and heavy with a pull away know your worth.
How does this feel? If it’s a deal breaker don’t get emotionally involved and move on!
Ask Better Questions.
If you get ghosted or you’re noticing that actions and words aren’t matching become powerful.
Instead of worrying if a person likes you. Ask yourself “Do I like them?”.
Do they make me feel good? Do they make me feel bad? Ultimately if they make you feel good and like a priority early on then go forward. If on the other hand you’re noticing that they are hot and cold. Run for the hills!
Build Your Best Life Yet!
Exercise, try new things get new passions. Find a way to feel whole on your own. Don’t chase, attract instead. You don’t need anyone, be aligned with yourself, have high standards. Be sure your self-worth strong and not dependent on him. Never invite chaos, invite depth, realness, presence.
I’m not here to compete with anyone, I’m here to exist. This energy is magnetic. Don’t try to win someone let them come forward or fall away.
Your worth is no tied to anyone’s attention.
What if you focused on finding someone that filled your cup, made you feel good and contacted you when they said they would. Now wouldn’t that be a healthy option.
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