I’ve had a great question in boxed and I thought I’d share the answer so all of you can benefit…
Ok…so one of my gorgeous clients asked me a question,
“I’m seeing this guy. I like him and want to see more of him and feel like a priority, but he loves to party, drink it up, he is incredibly social and I’m more of an introvert. I want some form of commitment. I like that he is fun, and we have so much chemistry and connect when we are together but the time together seems to be less than I’d like. I want him to make more of an effort. He has been a bender and been ghosting me for the last couple of days, what should I do?”
As hard as it is let him go and party. Pull right away and focus on you. Nurture yourself, spend time with people that lift you up.
Take the time to think about the type of man and relationship you want. Study my 4 types of men download and figure out the type of man that will give you the type of relationship you want.
I recommend if you want commitment and an easy loving relationship that you target the Guy Next Door mixed with Alpha. The Guy Next Door Alpha is strong on the outside, a go-getter, very masculine on the inside he is loving, caring, family orientated, emotionally available and grounded. He wants commitment because he is driven by stability.
The man above sounds like he has a lot of charmer party boy in him. He will always love to be social; he will be distracted by the shiny things; he likes to live life in chaos. He is driven by variety and adventure.
If you want him in your life you will always be flying by the seat of your pants. Over time it can be exhausting and impact your self-esteem.
The solution is, “If you can’t beat him join him” or you find someone that has aligned values and lifestyle.
The way to the party boy’s heart is ignoring him, avoiding him, being more exciting than him and keeping him on this toes. It’s a constant game. It never ends.
Do you want that in your life? It gets hard.
If you think he will settle down because he hit a certain age. He won’t. It’s who he is. It’s pointless changing him, he won’t change unless he wants to.
The best time to speak to him is when he is sober, be honest about what you want. You’ll have to do this playfully otherwise he will tune out. This will be your opportunity to set boundaries and make him realise the consequence is losing you. Then see what he does.
He will only change if and when he wants to.
You could also come to a compromise when he limits his partying. Often though compromises mean that neither of you are happy.
When you ignore him, he will eventually come back and wonder why he has lost your attention because he loves to be the centre of attention
Just remember you have options – I would start looking at them. He isn’t committing to you now…. so, don’t commit to him.
You’ll be surprised at what you will find out there…all you need is one good one to change everything.
The ‘nice’ guys aren’t a bad option when you have experienced this. Create chemistry with them by doing lots of fun things together. Live your life with true adventure instead of drama.
Follow your heart on this one. What makes you feel good and there is your answer.